I feel like a failure
For not holding on
Then you were mine
And now you are gone

This is the Verdict

I am not accustomed to these feelings that control me
I am not acquainted with this hatred, where's the old me?
I don't wanna talk about the ways I need to come clean
I just wanna unleash what's inside and try to speak free
Haven't read the truth from the word in a few days
Every time I see it on my desk I tend to stray away
Like if I open up to find the truth, I'll jump on a train
And if my destinations heaven then I'll be okay..

Fork

I know God is working through this
But couldn’t He have worked in a less painful way?

Have you thought about me once today,
And all the memories that we had?
Cause although it has been 46 days
The amount of times I’ve missed you
just in the last 4 hours probably equals
The last two weeks in total for you.

Have you moved on from me?
Because I’m trying to but it’s hard
The last 2 years I knew you would be my wife
I didn’t think, I knew.
Betrayal to the highest level
Is a stab to the heart
And though my blood is pouring down the stairs
I’m on a start.
A journey, with a path I see to the left
That’s not, unlike mine, covered
With thorns and spikes
Leeches and snakes
If I look over, I long to be there
But you made me take the fork

God I know the fork was the right way
Hopefully it ends after this horizon

A rant and a prayer

Heart break is such a real thing
I thought I’d be able to avoid it for my life
But boy was I wrong
The memories haunt me with their flowery smell
Like a siren they sing me a beautiful song of death
They lull me to sleep so peacefully, but for what
Terrible nightmares to come the next four hours
Because she was the greatest friend I ever had
The most beautiful girl I had ever met
We made the greatest memories I thought could be made
And all of that greatness is the fondness that breaks me
They say you never now how good you have it till it’s gone
But I knew how good I had it and now that it’s gone
I still know.
It was the best thing and that’s the worst part-
That she apparently didn’t think so-
That life with another could be better-
That life with the one I always feared would be better.
And I have to get used to that.
God had a different plan
But it wasn’t all for not
He told me to walk and I ran
The direction was the outcome I sought
The direction still brought me forward
But when I turn I’m at a different angle
He’s my captain and I’m still aboard
But I feel like I’m under the waves
Me of little faith
Me of little faith
God’s not unaware
He is still in control
I said I’d walk to him
But I’m looking at the water
I’m sinking but it’s because my eyes
Aren’t focused on the only thing that matters

God I pray that you will help me find the woman of Your plan
And I pray that you would prepare me for her
I pray that I wouldn’t look to find happiness in other girls
I pray that you would change me entirely
I’m sorry that I thought I was “good enough”
I know that’s not a thing
But that you don’t require it
I’m broken and I need healing
And that only comes through You

Shattered

God if my puzzle was put together wrong
And You had to break me apart to make it right
Put me back together
Right now I’m shattered on the floor
And I lie helpless trusting you’ll make the picture beautiful
Make it fast
I’m using my strength to stay together
But all my strength is in one piece
Only a one-hundredth of me is there
I just ask for restoration

Lord God You’re beautiful
If I look out into the sky
You’re all I see
The lakes, the trees
You’re all that I can find

Creation makes it evident
That You’ve always been alive
May I live my days
For you, no shame
And proclaim that You’re divine

My I live my days for you, no shame
Be Lord over my entire life

Learning and Breathing

I’m learning to love the sound of my feet
Walking away from things not meant for me
I’m learning, not succeeding
Not thriving, but breathing
The sound is like a thunderstorm
It’s terrifying and unearthly
But I’m starting to catch small glimpses
Of something truly refreshing
But then it’s back again
The thunder and lightning
The black clouds swallowing me up
It’s anger, it’s frightening
It’s a world I hate, I don’t want to be stuck in
But I just can’t escape; cue the eruption
After the cool down I find those glimpses
And it’s not a cancer, it’s only symptoms
It can’t take me over, there are parts I can handle
If I take them one at a time, maybe I’ll heal
It’s a long process, but that’s why it’s called aging
If I will be Your new wine, I need to find the next stage
This wineskin is old, but it’s being conditioned
This life shouldn’t be a chore because it’s given
So I’m learning to love the sound of my feet
Walking away from things not meant for me

In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine


Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me


Where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
And the Kingdom is here
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new fire today

-Hillsong