A rant and a prayer

Heart break is such a real thing
I thought I’d be able to avoid it for my life
But boy was I wrong
The memories haunt me with their flowery smell
Like a siren they sing me a beautiful song of death
They lull me to sleep so peacefully, but for what
Terrible nightmares to come the next four hours
Because she was the greatest friend I ever had
The most beautiful girl I had ever met
We made the greatest memories I thought could be made
And all of that greatness is the fondness that breaks me
They say you never now how good you have it till it’s gone
But I knew how good I had it and now that it’s gone
I still know.
It was the best thing and that’s the worst part-
That she apparently didn’t think so-
That life with another could be better-
That life with the one I always feared would be better.
And I have to get used to that.
God had a different plan
But it wasn’t all for not
He told me to walk and I ran
The direction was the outcome I sought
The direction still brought me forward
But when I turn I’m at a different angle
He’s my captain and I’m still aboard
But I feel like I’m under the waves
Me of little faith
Me of little faith
God’s not unaware
He is still in control
I said I’d walk to him
But I’m looking at the water
I’m sinking but it’s because my eyes
Aren’t focused on the only thing that matters

God I pray that you will help me find the woman of Your plan
And I pray that you would prepare me for her
I pray that I wouldn’t look to find happiness in other girls
I pray that you would change me entirely
I’m sorry that I thought I was “good enough”
I know that’s not a thing
But that you don’t require it
I’m broken and I need healing
And that only comes through You