You already know what it isss

I am so confident in a Fearless God who stays the same and repeats blessing over and over in a pattern of providing for the ones who chase after Him. 

These blessings will come and we will recognize them when we have them, sometimes, and then we will recognize them way after they’re gone, hopefully. 

If she is not the girl I’ll marry she’ll be a blessing, again, right now and also much later- that’s not changing. So at the very least, I love her and I will love her. I love her, and I will love her. I will be here, stand firm, and let nothing shake me from my God. And in my love for the Lord I will pursue wisdom and insight. And in the meantime I will love her so much. That’s what’s entrusted to me right now. I told her brother at Cane’s, and I told You. So her sister and your daughter: I will be there and sacrifice, die to myself, pour out, encourage, give, hold my tongue, be slow to anger, quick to listen, and love her. So I have no problem affirming her that my feelings match my intentions. 

To you now,

I love you and I will love you. I love Him more and will love Him more. You will love Him more and I love that, all the more. 

I think I know...

I think that you are scared to let yourself love again, and when I read I see it. It was a big choice to say when you decided you loved Luke

I think it was a bigger choice than it needed to be. I’m sorry if I’m deciding that for you and putting you in a hard spot but I hope you know it doesn’t hurt me.

I hope I’m not hurting you.

You loved Luke and I loved Carlie, those were real

Because those loves are gone doesn’t mean the memories are dead and doesn’t decrease what was there or say it wasn’t real- 

I think you’re afraid and need to make positively sure that it’s real before you admit that to me again and admit that to yourself again.

To me: because you’re afraid if something changes again I’ll call you a liar again. I won’t- I know you loved me then. 

To yourself: because you’re afraid that if something changes again you will have dug yourself into a pit that you don’t want to fall into again. It will be okay. The second heartbreak is easier because you’ve battled it before. 

I’m not going to promise I won’t breakup with you 

I’m not going to promise we will get married

I’m not going to promise that I will never love again if this ends

Not because I’m afraid, but because that’s how I can love you best

And I said I was going to love you

I will promise that if we don’t breakup I will continue to love you

I will promise that if we got married I will continue to love you 

Forever 

But I’m not getting ahead of myself this time. It’s time to be real and be obedient. 

Reality: there is a potential danger in falling into old sin and we need to be careful. 

Reality: my heart melts when I hear your voice

Command: abide in me and I will abide in you. If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish in my name and it will be given to you 

Obedience: abide in the Lord and draw nearer to Him every day of my life. In my feelings of love and my love for the Lord and my fulfillment of his calling for my life, pray that the Lord grants me the hand of the one I have eyes for.